Everything changes over time, even how we can best support friends and family when they are going through a hard time. I had heard the same peppy advice my whole life. “You’ve got to stay strong!” “Be optimistic!” This encouragement is given by caring people who want you to be happy. I never thought how these sayings might be… a little patronizing. I don’t know what this person is going through. How can I tell them they should be happy, strong, or optimistic? This episode is an interview with Cheri Frazer, my wife, about how to offer people your help and encouragement.
email - ScottRFrazer@gmail.com
Website - ScottRFrazer.com
S1E27 – New Rules for Offering to Help – An Interview with Cheri Frazer
This is the podcast Science and Scriptures, Season 1, episode #27 or New Rules for Offering Help – An Interview with Cheri Frazer
Hi, this is your host Scott Frazer and welcome to this episode of the podcast “Science and Scriptures”.
I was leafing through one of my Time magazines of April 5, 2021. On page 32, there was a fascinating article called, “How to Actually Help an Overwhelmed Caregiver.” The author, Kate Washington, is a gifted writer and a caregiver to her husband who has cancer. I would like to read a few paragraphs from this article. This will be the longest quote I have ever read on a podcast. But as I read it, I realized this needed to be shared on a podcast.
Read paragraphs 1,2,3, and 5.
I thought, “Wow, everything changes over time, even how we can best support friends and family when they are going through a hard time!” I had heard the same peppy advice that this Kate Washington received most all of my whole life. “You’ve got to stay strong”. “Be optimistic!” This encouragement is given by caring people who want you to be happy. I never thought how these sayings might be… a little patronizing. I don’t know what this person is going through. How can I tell them they should be happy, strong, or optimistic?
So, I was still of the belief that to offer help to someone, you ask the question, “What can I do?” Let me read one more paragraph from this same article.
Read paragraph 8.
Apparently, the area of offering assistance is more complicated than I might have thought. But when I read these same paragraphs to my wife Cheri, and she said, “Oh yeah, this has been taught in Relief Society for years.” Without having read it, she then proceeded to tell me what the last half of the article encouraged people to do. I have been wanting to get my wife on a podcast for a while now – and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. In the church of Jesus Christ, we often offer help to other people.It’s what we do. This podcast is to discuss if we are offering that help in the right way.
So, I would like to introduce Cheri Frazer, my wife and eternal companion.She has been a ward Relief Society president a couple of times. Cheri, how does one best offer help to someone you know could use it?
For example, I would be horrified if someone showed up at my door with a bucket in hand to clean my bathroom.
Now please note that we are not encouraging people to be negative. When you are personally going through a tough stretch, you don’t want to drive friends away with a constant string of complaints, poor-me’s, and grievances. We should try to both appear and be positive about life. It makes our time on earth so much better.
But when you are in the unique position of offering someone your help, you have to be careful. We don’t want to be toxically negative or toxically positive. We want to be a support, but you also should figure out where that support be most needed.
So, Cheri, how do you approach someone you don’t know very well to offer them help?
Let me ask you another hard question. How do you handle someone who is taking advantage of the charity of church members?
(Review the story of Charity in Maple Grove. The bishop and Relief Society president instructed the ward to run all of Charity’s requests through them. The design of the church welfare system is to help people get over a rough patch and then move on with their lives unassisted. Some needy people do not understand that and think that church welfare will continue forever. It’s not meant to, because then we take away people’s responsibility to provide for themselves and their families.)
So, that is all that we have for you today. Life continues to surprise me and sometimes you find reports of those changes in a magazine. I’ll continue to let you know what I find out. I would like to thank you for listening to this podcast. I’d like to thank Cheri for providing her perspective on this topic. Maybe we can do it again soon. This is Scott Frazer – and Cheri Frazer - with the podcast Science and Scriptures. Take care and have a good week.